Have I lost it finally? or again?

So! Pregnant again! Seems I'm following society's pattern of normal. How the hell did I fall into this one? Me, normal, society, huh? I've always been an outcast, a "higher" thinker, someone who does it all backwards but now lookey lookey. I've got a mortgage, a kid, a baby, another baby on the way, a dog (stinky, snoring dog by the way), a job (does part time count?), debt, schedules and last but probably the most necessary, a great pair of mummy sweatpants. What have I turned into?! I am a monster in mascara!

Don't get me wrong though. I adore my children, I adore my spouse, could lose the debt, but everything else in my life is decently swell. It's a good life! I might lose it with patience and verocity somedays, I may procrastinate my butt off others, but all in all, I think I should be damn proud of where I've been, and where I am now, and how I got here.

Every single damn little choice we make gets us to exactly where we are now, if it's a bad place, then we make another decision to get us to another bad place, but eventually end up with a really awesome moment of Ah Ha!, and it's all because of that teeny tiny decision we made prior.

So onto the next chapter, whether it includes a new lil girl or (god help me) another bouncin' boy, I made all my own decisions that got me where I am. I did damn good if I can say so myself.

:)

So I'm watching this new show (yes, I'm bored) and it's about surprise marriage in days time (yes, I'm girly). How do these people do this!?!

I mean, yes, after being with someone for so long you obviously know that you're in it for the long run and you have gone over the thoughts a million and one times about whether they are the one. But suddenly to have this thrown onto you... I can understand how the doubts come about. Of course, the result will be what you make of it. Should you continue your relationship, it will still be the same relationship but if you go in thinking a hint of doubt days prior to a wedding, can that small little doubt have such a huge impact that it affects your feelings on the relationship??? Hmmmm, too much time on my hands.

So how do you know that person is the one? Id there a special one and only? Out of billions of other people how can there possibly only be one suitable person? Did you ever think that maybe just a few moments later, or paying closer attention would've ended you up with another person you feel to be "the one" instead of the guy sitting beside you for the past 5 years?

Too many thoughts

BUT

I have two certains, I love my two boys with more than a word could ever describe, and I am inseperable from what I consider to be "the love of my life". Is that when you know it's right? When you just cannot picture the future without him, as hard as you try? When every little dumb factoid from who will care for me when I puke in the car, to who can I attempt my half assed cooking on, all leads to that one simple (and seemingly very common) name comes to mind. Argh, can you even call that love? It's more like a zen. Again, more than a word can describe.

So that being said, seems "someone" has set the wedding date. I consider it a goal, he considers it a fact. August 5th, 2010 here we go.

Now onto choosing my maid of honor, and flowers, and location etc etc.. I've got $50 saying he wont have any opinion on the planning HA!

There's alot to be said about a person who enjoys the simplicity of just sitting with a tea and watching the baby squirrels play. Perhaps, in someone's plain jane mind it means nothing. But to me there is almost close to nothing better, besides a damn good nap mid-day snuggled up with the baby. So which one do I choose? Well me and 14 month old Rylynd are both suffering (and I dont exaggerate the suffering) a sinus bug of some sort, and as totally awesome as it is to snuggle with him there comes a point in every mom's life with a drooling nose of boogers faced to you just doesn't bring in the awwws the way it used to. Then again I could really use the rest.

But sitting with an endless cup of tea (and many trips to the bathroom) while watching these 6 ridiculously hyper baby squirrels dig holes in my new lawn brings a brain full of giggles, then again, that grass looks like it could really use a cut, hell if I'm going to do that I might as well get on planting all my seedlings out front. The willow could use a trim too.

Is there ever a point when you can seriously just relax? Brain on hold, body on air? Is this supposed to happen only after the nest is empty, or is that what a mid-life crisis is but then nobody ever really finds it? Even before the boys were born I couldnt fathom the action of relax, too many friends, too many parties, too much shift work, homework? what's homework?

If someone knows the secret, feel free to pass it on, and maybe some of the really soft kleenex.

Today

Welcome to my release, output, blog, whatever you want to call it. This could be meant as an update on our wacky family, a source of entertainment sometimes, or just a read but to me it's meant to simply be a release of my day to clear my head. Haters are welcome, but likers are enjoyed, all the while a little respect is called for when it comes to my children and their adventures.

Enjoi!